It was always a comparison game. It was never about anything other than having friends, getting likes, stalking people’s pictures, feeling less-than because I don’t take good pictures, and wasting time. It took me six years to realize that. Six years of throwing away time on things and people that don’t make me feel good. I have always struggled with not feeling up to par with those in my life, and social media did nothing but make that worse.
I remember in college when I was struggling with a lot of things, I deleted my Facebook, purely for the point of starting over. I wanted a clean slate, “friends” that were really my friends, and to prove to myself that I wasn’t addicted to it. I tried to tell myself that I didn’t need the gratification the hundreds of likes my posts and pictures got. I tried to tell myself that, “I only used it for family because they like to see what I’m up to while I’m away at school.” Those were humongous lies.
I was enthralled with the feeling that people liked me. And I was obsessed with checking up on guys I was dating, girls I thought were pretty, and people that were engaged, pregnant, and buying houses, while those were all the things I wanted and didn’t have.
So here we are, four years later. I am at a great spot in my life with a great boyfriend, job, home, and life track. A few weeks ago on December 30, 2016 I said to my boyfriend, “I think I’m going to delete my Facebook for New Years.” Want to know what he said? “I was literally thinking about that last night and was planning on talking to you about it today. I think we should do it together.” Fate and a huge sign that this was the right thing to do? Who knows, but we did it anyway.
We did it without hesitation at about 10 pm on New Years Eve. In turn, we also went through our phones and deleted old contacts, texts, apps, pictures, and anything else that wasn’t absolutely necessary, helpful, or made us feel good. I must admit that I felt about 20 pounds lighter. Immediately I could see the changes in my mood from not seeing things that made me mad and only those things that make me smile or make my life easier were visible. Why on earth hadn’t I done this years ago?
Today, about a month later, I feel more content than I can ever remember. I weirdly LOVE not knowing what’s going on in the world. Sure, I still have Instagram and Snapchat, but I truly do reserve those for my closest friends and family and those celebrity accounts that only make me smile. I love not looking at my phone all the time, and when I am it is for a positive reason.
I am not one to dish out advice, but if I could give ANY, it would be to get rid of those things that are not positively serving you. That may not be Facebook in your case like it was in mine, but there is likely something in your life that is bringing you more pain than joy. The cool thing about life is that we get to choose what we are exposed to.
And is it odd to have a website that I am about to start pouring my whole life out onto and not have a Facebook? Sure. But that’s what is currently working for me, so I’m just going to roll with it.
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